How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
