At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
