I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
