Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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