I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
