haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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