I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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