I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize