I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
