Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
