I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
