You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
