just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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