If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize