she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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