Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
