I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
