how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
