Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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