What did we do last night that was yellow?
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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