I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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