ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Randomize
