dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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