problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
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