My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
