u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
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