this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
