There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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