just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
