Betty ford says i'm here all night
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
