I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
