i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize