I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
