If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Randomize
