I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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