Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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