can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize