I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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