The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I wish i was in the wii world.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
