Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
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