Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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