I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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