so that wasnt chicken after all
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
