u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
