I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I just sucked dick on a ferry
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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