I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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