FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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