I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Randomize
