Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
