TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
