goodnight i made you a song goodbye
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
