Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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