i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
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