i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
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