I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
