am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
