david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Randomize
