He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
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