I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
