i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
