mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
