you turned your livingroom into a bong?
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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