Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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